surviving

by walterdoege

yesterday I feel me in troubles…I did the common  things as going to supermarket, some house arrangement…these common things, but I am feeling like a pilgrim at the desert…spring arrived and summer too…there’s some alternation in the climate each week…last week I worked a lot and the sense of a autumn like atmosphere makes me well…yesterday was a heat day…after the supermarket I take the direction of shopping center…I stopped for a little moment for listening the cell phone…and after this pit stop i watched the horizon and the moon was there…a new to crescent new moon…the moon was solo at that moment…while I watched for a while the moon some songs came to my soul…some old songs my mother whispered for me…then I feel a sense of good well…I noticed I was not a survivor…my grief lessened in strenght and a soft surrender to this epiphanic moment turned me on a living person…somedays I feel a survivir…a pilgrim walking at the desert…I stayed close to the moon and to all good things in life…it’s better to notice joy, beauty, peace, but it’s difficult when this season of my life bringed so many losts…remembrances of my mother and of my father…remembrances of my childhood…some envisionment of my future…somehow I am aware i am not so young…nor so old man…in between these sentiments I go on the road…the long road…the high way…I notice that watchness is a way to stay connected with life…sensing the winds…the birds…people’s voice…people’s presence…in the core of my heart I feel a deep grief…I like to write more than I can get…sensing the winds in my face while watching the moon I feel me happy somehow…the tears dry by itself and the wind helped…for a while I sense no thinking…just me an the life…just me and the world…I sit down in a café and feel well…I am alive and in good stand…I like people…I like the life…I like freedom…I like peace…at the café I sensed that my complaints stayed silent and the joy while watching through the moon became great…I sensed also a gratitude…perhaps the moon was watching me too