Carnaval

by walterdoege

searching for words…searching the right word…searching the exact word…I give up!, because if not, I can not keep writing…in english idiom, the word is carnival…in portuguese idiom, the word is carnaval…in brazilian idiom, I guess it must exist a brazilian idiom, is carnaval…more than a word, a special big party at streets…a party that comes from the saloons of old times…when people used, and still wear, masks…but far away form historical aspects, brazilian carnaval is really a special party…all people invited…for play joyously, for take some laughing moments…the need of laugh…the need of play…free…peaceful…to stay together, and play funny and with enjoyment, so simple things…dance…sing…share moments of joy…practical joy…carnaval is an invitation to remember that laugh and play is a very human needness…all parties are invitation to share joy…trust…utmost, although, a hard invitation…carnaval is a hard and slow joy surrender…it’s required that the child inside each of us, play…dance…sing…children love parties…an adult person is a child that grown up…and I guess, as in my experience, the difficulty, among others, is the loosening of that joyous dimension that inhabits each heart…I sense how difficult is loosen that joy…somehow, joy is a hard one because is a good one, and that joyous dimension is boundered by strong walls…walls of guilt, walls of sadness, walls of shame…I don’t know…what I feel is the hard joy surrender…when these walls fall…when these walls must fall, and joy can express some deepest soul…some innocence…some grateful sentiments of staying alive…the consciousness of staying alive…and feel joy…joy is so hard, perhaps, because is some fine blend of love and trust…human goodness and faith…free playing of good things…the hard part of a party…the point of acceptance of an invitation to a party…is just feel joy…sense joy as one can sense pain…pain and joy are spontaneous experiences…some two portions of that fine blend…the hard task of spending time joyously…and joyness is not exactly happiness…the invitation is not ‘be happy’, but ‘feel some joy’…I know how hard is to feel joy…and how wonderful at same time…the human condition must open a broad place to joy…a broader place…sure, I take my life seriously, but not so much…the life is not mine…my life is not my property…and I face losts and grief…as you too…but I feel the way of joyness as the way of loving…I should take to survive all my losts, grief and mourning…woes and sorrow…the way i can survive to down days, bad news, last goodbyes…survive to missing my beloved ones…and my own finitude…is choose to live…choose to keep living…and choose to keep living joyously…my best way to honouring my missing and beloved ones…somehow, when I do accept to take part of a party, I feel me so close to all people I love, and love me…my way to stay close to my mother and father, is to share with the world all love and joy my father and mother shared with me , and all love and joy and trust my so lovely friends share with myself…someway, carnaval is a big party at streets…when joy is a friendly common feeling…a friendly common task…this way, each day is an invitation to take a carnaval party…even if for some minutes at the clock…but time is not on the clock…life and time look like one thing…one same thing…one same experience…and I can write, one day, one life…a piece of joy each day, a lovely life…a lovely living…in despite of all and anything…sense love is sense joy…sure, it’s a kind of folly…most of all, joy is the deepest love expression…far beyond any folly, joy is the realm of the human soul…I feel this way…roll, carnaval troupe, roll…leading me through the loving road…roll, loving road, roll…and rock all blue…rock and roll all blue…into joyous path, joyous moments, joyous days…trustful days…good days, and nights…as when i can dance and endless nightly lover dance…’dance!…sing!…don’t waste time’, she fondly tell me, and I do accept her invitation for spending the time in an open frame of mind…breaking those strong and tough and futile walls…opening the soul…to a joy surrender way…such a wising way…such a lovely way…such a free way…we can keep on going trustful…love ahead…when death is only a mask…and fear just a brick of fallen walls…no much thinking…much love for so many blue and joy tears drops…we, ridding away at my rockinghorse…pleasing everywhere…love, our common home…joy, our common gift